I watched her every night get fucked on the glow of my laptop screen. I watched her eyes grow bright green. In another life she sang the blues. Can't you feel her sadness washing over you? Sure she does porn now, but she was once a part of a family. They put her on the street so she can't say no to the money. She took the first job she saw.
The Hand, The Blow, a Mouth to Feed. Of God, Of Coke, her own in the city.
She said she felt small enough to crawl inside a seashell, and if they'd only listen then they wouldn't have to leave. But all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't mend her up for me. I watch them enter and exit repeatedly.
And oh how I prayed, that one day things would finally change. Our future generations lost at sea would remember me and how I saved us.
You said you wanted a status check on me. I still don't talk to my family. And no, nothing comes easy, not since I turned fourteen. I am long and drawn out. I know you know what I mean and darling if you don't, in time you shall see. You are the beginning and the end and the thoughts in between.
I said I felt small enough to feel my place in this machine. How insignificant I felt amidst the hum of the beast. Each holy day's feast that they tried to force feed, it just didn't taste any good to me.
But mother Mary came for me, turned on by her sacred virginity. She whispered softly and sweet let it bleed, let it bleed for me.
These songs that I write to try and convince myself to sleep are as real to me now as the people that I meet, and I guess that to me is what "sonder" means.
released December 1, 2013
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